Over udon soup and sushi at my favorite Japanese restaurant, Nomi said health challenges taught her this: "Prepare to be unprepared." This pithy phrase speaks to just about everything I know about cancer treatment, which often feels like a too-fast or too-slow medical excursion in an unknown desert with a big bottle of water and no map. As I get ready for surgery at high noon on Friday to implant a teeny-tiny gold bowl bearing radiation under my right eye, I realize how little I know what I'm preparing for. I understand that the implant will be removed June 19th, [...] Read More
Meet Orlando Bloom! Throughout my healing journey -- the cancer diagnosis and visits with three oncologists, the big-time scans and fears, the joys and reliefs, the waiting and preparation -- I've been naming turtles. While this might be true metaphorically, it's also truly happening beyond the world of symbol, sorrow, and surprise. I have a friend, Ben Reed, a professor at Washburn University, who has been tracking and studying ornate box turtles in southeast Kansas, and he's given me the honor of naming each turtle. Because Ben is a turtle whisperer, he's kept me busy. It [...] Read More
Last week, I had the honor of being one of the poets giving tribute to Denise Low, the past Kansas Poet Laureate and dear friend of 35 years. She was celebrated at the Spencer Library as a new part of its New American Poetry collection at a special event that also happened to occur on her 70th birthday. While one poem, even while full of references to Denise's splendid writing, doesn't do her justice, I wanted to share the poem I wrote for Denise. You can see much more about her at her website, on her blog, on the Map [...] Read More
Self-Portrait With Rainbow & New Cancer Diagnosis When I had breast cancer 17 years ago, I learned some things about resilience, the ability to bounce back. There's nothing like being thrown off a bucking bronco to discover that yes, you can hit the ground, hard, and yes, you can hobble back to your feet and strength. There's also nothing like community and all the love that made me upright again, then fed me homemade soup at regular intervals. In 2002, I discovered I had breast cancer, lymph node involvement, and also the BRCA 1 genetic mutation [...] Read More
Somewhere in Brazil a bunch of people stopped their car on a highway, got out, and signaled other drivers to hold off so that a very large snake could cross the road. When I saw the video, I was amazed at how calm and calming the humans and, to some extent, the snake were in doing what it took for the snake to arrive at the other side. It also made me happy to see members of my own species, known for how often we get it wrong when it comes to the more-than-human world, get it right. Such moments [...] Read More
Emily Dickinson writes, "I started early -- Took my dog." In my case, I started late and took my croissant, and unlike Dickinson, I wasn't looking for mermaids in the basement of the ocean or fleeing from the silver-tongued tide. Nope, I was savoring one flowering tree after another, that and buttery layers of flakey wonder. Each spring, I hit the pause button on my life at some moment, and if I'm smart, many moments, and head out into the neighborhoods to worship at the fleeting faces of magnolia blossoms. Some weeks later, after the frost has zapped those magnolias [...] Read More
Maybe it's the late landing of spring, the convergence of personal history and life lessons, or just chaos and good timing, but I've been tripping into unexpected graces lately, small or big moments that surprise me with such joy, connection, beauty, even something akin to healing. On our trip to Brooklyn, New York City, and New Jersey -- aka the mothership for me -- grace abounded, often like a slip of paper or wings at the edge of vision. The moment we emerged at a new subway stop for us in Brooklyn, staring blankly at the sun after eight hours [...] Read More
There I was, looking for the rising moon and wondering why it hadn't yet shown itself. Maybe it was too early for moonrise or prairie fires just to the north of Hwy. 35, which I was driving from Emporia to Lawrence, were hiding the ceiling of the sky. So I kept driving and looking, hoping for the moon to catch up with me. I was also simultaneously tired and exhilarated, in part because of the moon the night before keeping me up despite my "go-back-to-sleep-you-have-a-big-day-tomorrow" self-talk attempts. Even with the curtains of our bedroom closed, I could feel that big moon [...] Read More
The week began with news that blew me away: a beloved colleague, who was the rock and heart of the college where I work, died suddenly. Then the wind picked up to the tune of 50-plus mph gusts that shook the house around my shaken heart. The wind, part of a weather system called a bombogenesis, was so strong that I had to postpone a classroom visiting and reading in Hutchinson, Kansas, 200 miles from here, because it was too risky to drive without being blown off the road or into oncoming traffic. The grief my college community feels is [...] Read More
Tiny crocus from the backyard in a tiny vase Daylight Savings Time, beside being a kick that keeps kicking our sleeping patterns for a while, heralds a kind of lightening up, particularly if, like me, you're not an early riser. For those of us sleep-until-it's-been-light-for-awhile slackers, the time shift surprises us with more light at the end of the day, but I also experience this time of the year as a weight off my shoulders. Winter, which took up big-living residence in the house of time this year, is showing signs of packing some of her [...] Read More
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